Grumps.

I am grumpy today. No real reason, just grumpy. I had a crummy day on Friday, and a crummier Saturday. The stupid thing about being grumpy is that today was actually a good day. But, I couldn't really enjoy it because I was too darn sour. The kids were fun, the weather was nice, and Christian actually joined us for an outing at the park. I don't want to be a big complainer, but here are the events and issues that have led to my bad mood:

• We drove 90 minutes each way last week to put a deposit on a dog and the creeps sold it before we arrived. Major disappointment at the time, but it all worked out in the end. (see below!!)
• My current company did not receive the contract for my job. I will have to reapply with the new company and possibly not like their offer...we are applying for a 2 month extension because our visas expire soon. (actually, today...). Then, we will apply for another extension if the bureaucrats can't get their poop in a group and get the real contract settled. Extension applications mean we can not make any travel plans.
• Emmett has been super grumpy towards me. I am a child psychologist. I know it is important for him to identify with his daddy right now. I know it is common for little boys to push their mommies away at this age. But, he is supposed to be my little snuggly bug and it makes me sad to watch him grow up.
• I have had an awesome office mate and she had a last day last week. Boo.
• Related to the above, I am about to get incredibly busy and overworked. Starting tomorrow. Our team of 4 mental health therapists is dropping to 1. That's just me.
• So. I have ADHD. I don't really hide it. You can look at any one of my report cards from childhood and they all say the same thing: Smart girl. Talks too much. I get REALLY distracted. Especially in meetings when there are too many people who have too much to say. So, I start wiggling in my seat. Then I talk out of turn. I say things I should keep in my head. Then I get in trouble. Even now. My boss might have told me I need to be quiet at meetings. I HATE to be shushed. Ug.
• I went around a round-about yesterday, hit some protruding piece of ancient rock wall, and ripped a hole in my tire.

So. That did it. The grumps ensued.
I will try to start tomorrow off on a better note. I will try to get some good sleep and wake refreshed. It would be wonderful if I could pull my behind out of bed early and get some yoga done before work. No use setting myself up...
Here I go, trying to focus on the positive.

• Meme comes for her annual visit in three weeks! Yay!
• I now have an office all to myself at work. I am going to get soooooo much work done.
• I am 2/3 of the way to my weight-loss goal. Woowoo!
• Augi has committed to Judo and really likes it. It is great fun to watch her try to take down other kids! I wouldn't mind giving it a go myself!
• Emmett has slept in his own bed for two nights.
• There is a potential that the new company who won our contract will be better!
• I have not had a real headache since I began accupuncture 5 weeks ago. I can't tell you what a relief this is. I normally have one migraine each month and at least 1-2 painful headaches each week. On that note, I have felt really great lately. 99% of my numbness and tingling is gone. I am coordinated again and full of energy.
• We are getting the cutest puppy ever in November. After our disappointment, we came home and called a serious breeder with a new litter. They had a female and she will be ours!! She is a staffordshire terrier. You can see her family at www.dardanians.com . We have a list of names, to include Kitty, Phiz, Beatrix, Izzy, EGGSHELL, and Rosie. We are all currently leaning towards Phiz. More to come on that...

Things will get better, I know. I just need to take a deep breath and take it all one day at a time.

Growing up.

Today was the first day of school. Augi is beginning year 3 and Emmett is in Reception (kindergarten in the U.S.). I am seeing the same post on all of the blogs I follow and I love to see how everyone is handling it. 

For us, it is an exciting day, but filled with emotions. 

Augi 

woke up before my alarm---somewhere in the 5 o'clock hour. She told me she had butterflies in her tummy that were going up into her throat. She admitted to being nervous and excited all at once. She was giddy with excitement and so helpful this morning. There will be 12 children in her class this year...2 more than last year. Best of all...a new girl will be in her class! I tell you, the other two girls in her class are wonderful and sweet, but 3 is a hard number. 4 will be better, I am sure. I left a note in her pocket and she said she wanted to keep it there "for confidence." She headed into the class with her sweet young teacher and didn't look back.

Emmett

is going in to a new level. This is real school. Full time. No more naps. OK, so it really is a lot of playing still, but they are one step closer to reading and writing and big math. Emmett was handling it all in stride. He has slept with me all of this last week, so I think he is feeling some of the butterflies. He took his Weebee, but left it hanging on the coat hook. Mr. Woof accompanied him into the classroom.  His teacher is also new. We couldn't remember her name, but knew it had to do with office supplies: Mrs. Files! Much better than Mrs. Stapler or Mrs. Filing Cabinet (our other names for her.) Emmett gave us a hug and sent us on our way. 

In my work I focus on the Ghosts from the Nursery with each family. These are the little memories, habits, and emotions that pop up from a parents' childhood as they parent their own children. They aren't usually at a conscious level, but I try to be mindful of my own ghosts. My ghosts have been flying all around this last week. First of all, I was more nervous than either of the kids. I went to 14 schools in my 12 years of childhood education. That means that I was ALWAYS the new kid, so my anxiety was really high every year. There were so many years that I didn't know where I would be attending school until the day before I got there. I always worried about who I would sit by at lunch. It's funny, in talking to other people who had similar experiences to mine, they had the exact same worry on the first day!! Well, all of these anxieties came back full force. 

I have had to repeatedly remind myself that my children are returning to a school of 100 students where they are known and they know everyone. They aren't the new kids. At lunch they get to sit at a table with kids they know and eat "family style". We will be there to pick them up and talk about their day. They don't come home to an empty house. I try to use my own ghosts to make life better for my kids. But, sometimes my emotions get out of control and I run around like a crazy chicken and don't even realize why. 

I have to stop, take a breath, and remember that life is different for my kids. Hopefully, better.

I am so proud of my family.