Birthday Interview. Em. 6 years old.

It’s time for Em’s annual interview! We do it every year…5, 4, 3 doesn’t exist. I was a bit late getting started…

Here goes…

1. Favorite  food: Macaroni and Cheese

2. Favorite movie: Adventure time and Scooby Doo (I personally can not stand Adventure Time…and why are Velma and Shaggy dating in Scooby now? Seriously? So it begins. Kids these days!)

3. Favorite toy: That’s hard to explain. I love all my toys.

4. Favorite book: My Shrunken Head book! (This is a creepy book about freaks of nature and weird practices, including instructions on making your own real shrunken head. Whatever gets him to read, right? BTW…it was his favorite last year too!)

5: Favorite season:Winter. I like snow. (This is one good thing about our move! He will get all the snow he could wish for!)

6: Favorite animal: Dog. I mean bird. I mean fish. (Way to be decisive.)

7. Favorite song or singer: Everything is Awesome! (We do sing this quite often. I put Chris’ old cassette/cd stereo in Em’s room and gave him all of our old CDs. He chose Primus for his birthday music. Then he wanted “Acca-Dacca”…aka AC/DC.)

8. Favorite color: Green. And Red.

9. If you could change your name, what would you be called? Archie. (Last year it was Jon.)

10. Who are your best friends? Why do I have to tell you? I can’t explain it. Heidi. I like to skype with her.

11. What is something you like about Daddy? He cooks sausage. (Or maybe he looks like sausage? Hahaha! Just kidding Chris…This is clearly his attempt at telling us he misses you doing the cooking.)

12. What is something you like about Mommy? You are nice.

13. What is something you like about Augi? She plays with me sometimes.

14. What is your favorite thing about yourself? I have the best sister in the world.

15. What makes you sad? I don’t know.

16. What makes you happy? I don’t know either of them! (C’mon kid! I am a freakin’ psychologist. You have to be in touch with your feelings!)

17. What makes you scared? Bugs. (This has been brewing all year, but reached a peak with Em losing his mind after seeing an ant hill. Oh boy. Last night he had nightmares about bugs.)

18. If I granted you 3 wishes, what would you wish for?

• Phizzy to be nice.
• Augi to be nice.
• It is Christmas near my birthday.

19. What is the best / funnest thing you have ever done? Went to a new school.

20. What do you want to learn now that you are 6 years old? How volcanoes erupt. (I will get right on this lesson!)

I love this boy. He is an amazing kid who will do great things.

3 Years. Delft Blauw.

5 years ago it never even crossed my mind.

4 years ago I realized it was imminent.

3 years ago I couldn't think of anything else. 

2 years ago I thought I had made it past the worst year.

1 year ago I tried to come to terms with it all. 

This year I can't believe my mother has been gone for 3 years. What I have learned this year is that grief never really goes away. I don't feel it so often but when it does hit me, it is just as intense as the moment she died.

I wonder if there will ever come a time when the 22 of May will just be another day. 

What I am about to tell you should provide insight into my complete lack of sanity right now and the irrationality that comes along with grief.

I am having a personal battle with some of the things I kept from my mom's belongings. Specifically, it is two pieces of Delft Blauw pottery.

My mom loved these pots. She would get so excited when she found one at a charity shop. I, on the other hand, would roll my eyes at her. For the past 2 weeks I have been trying to make these these two little pots  be perfectly arranged on my fireplace mantel so I can look at them every day and think fondly of my mother. . I have literally rearranged them 20 times. 

A day.

For a week.

The offending pottery:

Ha! It doesn't take a genius to recognize the symbolism of these stupid blue and white pots. They remind me of my annoyance with her, but they also remind me of the simple things that made her happy. A lot of people talk about her love of sunflowers. I see sunflowers now and I do think of her. However, I didn’t know she loved sunflowers until she died. I knew she grew them.

Maybe she  even grew them in blue and white hand painted 

Delft Blauw pots.  

So, after crying a river today and realizing what I have been doing with the pots…I allowed myself to take them off the mantel.  Putting them away, donating, or even smashing them doesn’t mean I don’t miss her. Just like having them perfectly arranged to see every day doesn’t bring her back. 

I will, however, keep this little memento from her stuff…