SAHM: Stay at Home Mom.
I have never been one of them. I didn't come from one of them. My mom worked. Her mom worked.
The only experience I have of them is what I saw on TV as a kid. This is a SAHM, right?
I look at this image above and I think, ok...this will be easy. I can't wait to live without a schedule and be free and easy-going and relaxed. I will wear cool aprons and bake and sit at the table with the kids while we talk about their thoughts and concerns.
It isn't exactly like this.
Here is what I am learning so far, in my first quarter of
SAHM 101.
1. Statistics.
Nationally, about 14% of women are SAHMs.
Utah?
47%!
These women freaking know what they are doing. I do not know what I am doing and I am insanely jealous of them. For some reason it doesn't seem to help when I tell them that less than 2% of the population in the US has a Ph.D. and I am one of them. They probably are not one of them. I’m just saying, statistically, it’s safe to assume they are not. I just want them to understand that I might not be good at SAHMness but I am really smart.
2. Cooking.
Apparently not everything likes to be cooked in a fry pan on "high." They get all burny and smokey. I kid you not, the smoke alarm goes off every time I cook something on the stove. In addition to the stupid smoke, these pesky little kidlets like THREE meals each day. Many of them cooked.
3. Routines.
Not dance routines and jazz hands, people. Schedule sorts of routines. I have learned to keep routines or the children turn into gremlins. Oh. They should also be good routines. Like making sure there is time for enrichment and creativity and relaxation in every day. Not the routine of ignoring the kidlets while they have their eyes glued to a screen. I have found myself allowing the kids way too much screen time. Then I feel guilty. Someday they are going to be sitting in their therapist’s office remembering that year when their crazy mother tried to be a SAHM and let them be parented by "Mind"craft (as they say), reliving nightmares of creepers and endermen and cows in their land.
4. Joining.
Honestly, I don't really like to attend every social event in the area. I just want to be invited, OK? Seriously. Technology makes this very easy. I have joined several SAHM groups in my area on FB and I get notified of upcoming events. I have never been, nor will I ever go, but I click YES! I also signed up with a volunteer group. I get requests every week to volunteer at this and that. I am so needed. See #5.
5. Giving back.
I am so blessed to be able to stay at home right now. I need to give back to the community. I must volunteer. I joined a few other SAHMs to volunteer at the school. I went to the school to help with pizza party day. I put on gloves and handed out Styrofoam trays. I know what you are thinking. The world is so lucky to have philanthropists like me. I also volunteered to herd kindergarteners from one activity to the next on field day. I only made one child cry too! The little bugger thought he needed to be in charge of all of the sidewalk chalk. I let him know with a snatch of the chalk bucket that we share the chalk. Just not with cry babies. Emmett asked me to not “say anything funny” while volunteering in his class. He did not, however, tell me not to make kids cry.
6. Crafts.
SAHM=crafty. Since taking on this new role I have learned the basics of fireplace mantel arrangement (keep it in a visual triangle…), sewn a bench cushion (with mitered corners!), spray painted a variety of items blue and red (including a large circle of the grass. It is going to be cut anyway…why bother with newspaper?), refinished a little chest of drawers, created a harmonious color scheme in the house (blue and red?), and learned the differences between a chevron and ikat pattern .
7. Community enrichment activities.
i.e. found everything going on for free around town. The dumb thing is that apparently other SAHMs do this too. Free=madhouse. I have neatly organized a summer calendar of free events. I will drag my children to them because they are free. And we will all enjoy them.
8. Awesome.
My kids are awesome. I am way more exhausted, emotionally and physically, at the end of the day as a SAHM than as a psychologist. However, we are having fun and making the most out of this newest chapter to our life. I won't do it forever, but it is fun for a bit.
Initial ratings by the kids: “You are fun but daddy was better at cooking when he was a SAHD.”
Photo evidence of my practicum experience as SAHM:
Tea Parties...
And Pool Parties...
Freakin sunburns.
Catchin critters...
 |
| Finishing the basement... |
Finding rainbows...even when they are rainblobs...
Obsessing over mantels...it looks nothing like this now. FYI.
Feeding birdies.
Playing with the neighbor...
Hanging out...
Growing too fast...
Visiting the museum at Daddy's work...
Finding pig trotters...
Trying to adopt a new friend (Phiz doesn't agree...)
Hiking near our house...
Sleeping late...
Collecting projects...
Slipping and sliding...
Clubhouse creating...
Laughing at fun babies...
Learning to use the camera...
Mani-pedies.
Driving in freaky June blizzards...
Creating clubs with cousins...
Tasting smoothies created by chef Evie...
Chasing little hamsters...or whatever this is.
Swimming with friends...
Living room discos...
Impromptu fashion shows...
Finding furniture bargains...
Playing in the dirt...
Running from rattlesnakes (not really...just checking that you're still paying attention.)
Buying a new ride...
Crafting and creating...
Well, that's about it. I am learning more now than ever before! MWA!
