Happy Birthday Mom

20 August is my mother's birthday. She is on my mind every day. Before she died I thought I had said everything that I needed to say, but I didn't. I don't think I ever could have had enough time to say it all. My mother didn't make it to her 56th birthday. I am sorry that she didn't. More than that, I am so sorry that she had to go through incredible pain. I struggle every day with my beliefs. I don't believe in an afterlife. Yet, I am constantly looking for signs from her that she is okay. I want to believe in it. I guess it doesn't really matter. If there is nothing after this life, then her pain is over and we have the memories of her. If there is something, then I am sure she is happy and free from everything that pained her. Before she died I was able to forgive her for the things I thought that she did wrong. Now, on her birthday, I just want to thank her for the things she did right. These are the things I never told her.  They are in no special order.

Thanks for the birthday, Valentines, St Patricks, Easter, etc. cards you always remembered to send.

Thanks for the time you got a bed ready for me in your apartment when I was in college and had nowhere else to go. 

Thanks for getting away from my father and protecting me from his abuse.

Thanks for always trying to make ends meet.

Thanks for finding people to care for me when we didn't have a safe place to live.

Thanks for bragging about me to your friends.

Thanks for spending hours and hours playing with my kids.

Thanks for taking my cat and my fish and my birds when I couldn't keep them.

Thanks for the advice to drink some water and eat chicken soup the first time I had a hangover.

Thanks for always taking my side when I had an argument with someone.

Thanks for making me laugh.

Thanks for letting me take my car back when my new car was stolen.

On that note, thanks for chasing that guy down who stole my car and confronting him at his house!

Thanks for beating up the guy who hit me with his car when I was 6.

Thanks for saving all my report cards and that little red dress.

Thanks for giving me anything I ever wanted from your possessions.
Thanks for acting happy for us when we moved to England, even though I knew you were devastated.
Thanks for taking that trip across Europe with me and Tammy.
Thanks for spending time with my grandma after her stroke.
Thanks for teaching my kids the "plop plop" and "beans" songs.
Thanks for not getting mad when I crashed your Mustang.
Thanks for giving up smoking when I got pregnant.
Thanks for holding my hand that night, for the John Cougar songs, and the moon on my wall.

Thanks, Mom, for being my mom.