Birthday Interview. Em. 6 years old.

It’s time for Em’s annual interview! We do it every year…5, 4, 3 doesn’t exist. I was a bit late getting started…

Here goes…

1. Favorite  food: Macaroni and Cheese

2. Favorite movie: Adventure time and Scooby Doo (I personally can not stand Adventure Time…and why are Velma and Shaggy dating in Scooby now? Seriously? So it begins. Kids these days!)

3. Favorite toy: That’s hard to explain. I love all my toys.

4. Favorite book: My Shrunken Head book! (This is a creepy book about freaks of nature and weird practices, including instructions on making your own real shrunken head. Whatever gets him to read, right? BTW…it was his favorite last year too!)

5: Favorite season:Winter. I like snow. (This is one good thing about our move! He will get all the snow he could wish for!)

6: Favorite animal: Dog. I mean bird. I mean fish. (Way to be decisive.)

7. Favorite song or singer: Everything is Awesome! (We do sing this quite often. I put Chris’ old cassette/cd stereo in Em’s room and gave him all of our old CDs. He chose Primus for his birthday music. Then he wanted “Acca-Dacca”…aka AC/DC.)

8. Favorite color: Green. And Red.

9. If you could change your name, what would you be called? Archie. (Last year it was Jon.)

10. Who are your best friends? Why do I have to tell you? I can’t explain it. Heidi. I like to skype with her.

11. What is something you like about Daddy? He cooks sausage. (Or maybe he looks like sausage? Hahaha! Just kidding Chris…This is clearly his attempt at telling us he misses you doing the cooking.)

12. What is something you like about Mommy? You are nice.

13. What is something you like about Augi? She plays with me sometimes.

14. What is your favorite thing about yourself? I have the best sister in the world.

15. What makes you sad? I don’t know.

16. What makes you happy? I don’t know either of them! (C’mon kid! I am a freakin’ psychologist. You have to be in touch with your feelings!)

17. What makes you scared? Bugs. (This has been brewing all year, but reached a peak with Em losing his mind after seeing an ant hill. Oh boy. Last night he had nightmares about bugs.)

18. If I granted you 3 wishes, what would you wish for?

• Phizzy to be nice.
• Augi to be nice.
• It is Christmas near my birthday.

19. What is the best / funnest thing you have ever done? Went to a new school.

20. What do you want to learn now that you are 6 years old? How volcanoes erupt. (I will get right on this lesson!)

I love this boy. He is an amazing kid who will do great things.

3 Years. Delft Blauw.

5 years ago it never even crossed my mind.

4 years ago I realized it was imminent.

3 years ago I couldn't think of anything else. 

2 years ago I thought I had made it past the worst year.

1 year ago I tried to come to terms with it all. 

This year I can't believe my mother has been gone for 3 years. What I have learned this year is that grief never really goes away. I don't feel it so often but when it does hit me, it is just as intense as the moment she died.

I wonder if there will ever come a time when the 22 of May will just be another day. 

What I am about to tell you should provide insight into my complete lack of sanity right now and the irrationality that comes along with grief.

I am having a personal battle with some of the things I kept from my mom's belongings. Specifically, it is two pieces of Delft Blauw pottery.

My mom loved these pots. She would get so excited when she found one at a charity shop. I, on the other hand, would roll my eyes at her. For the past 2 weeks I have been trying to make these these two little pots  be perfectly arranged on my fireplace mantel so I can look at them every day and think fondly of my mother. . I have literally rearranged them 20 times. 

A day.

For a week.

The offending pottery:

Ha! It doesn't take a genius to recognize the symbolism of these stupid blue and white pots. They remind me of my annoyance with her, but they also remind me of the simple things that made her happy. A lot of people talk about her love of sunflowers. I see sunflowers now and I do think of her. However, I didn’t know she loved sunflowers until she died. I knew she grew them.

Maybe she  even grew them in blue and white hand painted 

Delft Blauw pots.  

So, after crying a river today and realizing what I have been doing with the pots…I allowed myself to take them off the mantel.  Putting them away, donating, or even smashing them doesn’t mean I don’t miss her. Just like having them perfectly arranged to see every day doesn’t bring her back. 

I will, however, keep this little memento from her stuff…

Month One in Pictures

My last post was all about my thoughts. This one is all about the pictures. Lots more fun…

Repatriation: Month One

I am big on milestones and anniversaries. One day, one week, one month, 6 months, one year, etc. I don't always recognize the day, but I often have a funny feeling and if I take a minute, I realize it is an anniversary to mark something. Tomorrow is the 28th of April. One month ago tomorrow I was finishing my last day at a job I loved in a country I loved living in. My kids had their last day at a school they loved. We said goodbye to friends we loved.
Repatriation is a process. Here is where I have been so far in this first month:

Pure exhaustion. After all of the packing and repacking and mailing and donating and sorting and selling and coordinating, I was completely exhausted. Mentally and physically. I can't say I ENJOYED the flight home, but it did force me to STOP.
Foreigner in my own land. Over the last 4 years, I have been homesick for Utah A LOT. I wasn't completely against moving back and looked forward to giving our house TLC and being closer to family. However, after being away for 4 years, I have changed. Chris and the kidlets have changed. This place has changed. I got lost driving in the first few weeks.  When I went to get some necessities at a superstore, I was overwhelmed with the size and options and actually left empty handed several times. I needed a slower entrance into this land of over-freaking-whelming-excess.
Creating our new "old" life. About two weeks in, I was up late one night reflecting on our situation. By this time, we had gone through some major unplanned expenses, Chris had been offered and accepted a new job, Augi decided she wants to begin school immediately, Emmett's behavior had slowly deteriorated to juvenile delinquent level, we purchased a car, and were officially moved in to our house. For the first time, I realized I was unpacking and placing things back in the same spots they lived 4 years ago. I felt incredibly depressed. I realized that we aren't going back to England. We might never see some of the amazing people we met again. The excitement of the next adventure fizzled away.  I was only able to feel that the last four years was a dream and didn't move us forward one bit. A few months ago I felt like we had the entire world open to us. Suddenly I felt as if we have no options. This was definitely my darkest moment.
Redefining. Chris is going to return to work now, I am going to return part time in the fall. I am making dinner and grocery shopping, and I will be responsible for the home stuff for a few months. I have never considered myself a good homemaker, and I was grateful to Christian for all he did to run the house while I worked. I am excited about the opportunity for just a few months. Isn't everyone? Maybe not. I found myself getting really frustrated with Em. He has been incredibly, uncharacteristically, naughty. I knew on a logical level that he is stressed, but this didn't stop me from wanting to duct tape him to the wall. Last night he explained that he has had absolutely no say in this move. (actually, he told me he wants to be the boss of something). He wouldn't have chosen to leave his best friend had anyone bothered to ask. This land is completely foreign to him. I am home and bossing him around. His dad is busy repairing the house and getting ready to be gone all day. His mom is busy burning food and forgetting to make a shopping list then leaving the store with nothing because she can't make a decision on which corn chips to buy. Augi is suddenly the outgoing kid who transitions well and wants to go to school to meet friends before summer break. We all have to figure out who we are.
Reconnecting. I was able to see some of my dear friends without time pressure. Being close to my aunts, cousins, and in-laws is so comforting. The R's even stayed with us for a few days (post coming soon...) and after they left, Emmett told me "You know mom, it seems like they are more like cousins than just friends." Such true words. I love seeing my familiar neighbors outside. The mountains help me feel secure. I have done some reconnecting.
Watering my roots. One of my biggest complaints about living as an expat was that I did not feel I could let my roots grow. Now, I want to paint walls, hang art on big nails in the wall, and plant flowers. Only because I can. I will get to enjoy it next year. And the next. I want to join a book club. I want to get involved in the kids' school. I want to nurture the relationships that survived 4 years away. I want to explore and enjoy the area around me. I am going to tear up the carpet on the stairs this week...because they are mine and I can. I can get another dog, a bunny, or any other creature I want and I can get really attached to it because I don't have to worry about shipping it overseas. *Chris will be cringing about now...

For now, at the end of our first month back, my only goal is to slow down a little. I have been going way too fast. I will try to enjoy the sunshine, the space, and the familiarity. We'll see how the next month goes.

The expats have repat-ted

We are back! 
After all our goodbyes and wonderful visits with friends, (special thank you to the Kooke's B & B), our taxi arrived at 04:30. We loaded 8 fully stuffed suitcases, and at least 6 carry-ons into the taxi. I read a few texts from friends to say goodbye...and  began blubbering *again*. Em said, "Mom, will you PLEASE stop crying now?" Nope. Not a chance.

Upon our arrival at Heathrow, it was time to check our bags. We must have looked overstuffed and suspicious because they weighed and measured everything, including our carry-ons. Seriously! Well, I had to empty, redistribute, and ditch a carry-on that was a wheel's length too long. Oh well. Less to carry.

Through security we went. Chris got tagged, as usual, and they did a full body and cavity search. 

Then, it was all set in stone. There was no turning back. 

Always find the best and most necessary things in the airplane catalogue. 

The flight over the atlantic was fairly uneventful and comfortable. The kids watched movies and didn't sleep. We arrived in New Jersey tired and stinky and had a 5 hour layover.

New York City

 The connection from New Jersey to Salt Lake was less comfortable and 5 hours long. 

We arrived to our most familiar airport. It felt exactly the same. Almost like we have just been away for a few weeks. We were picked up at the airport by the J & M Taxi and Welcoming Service, where we were whisked away to the T&R full service resort.  Door to door, it was a 25 hour trip. ick.

Day one was...interesting? 
After Em woke at 330 and Augi woke at 500, we relaxed, visited, and headed out to visit family and check on our house. Here are the events of day one, in a nutshell:

Seeing family

Feeling as if we never left

Feeding baby goats

Forgetting to drive on the right, just for a minute

Blizzarding SNOW!

Finding out Phiz's flight was delayed and she will be another day.

Saying hi to neighbors

Finding our water heater broken and basement flooded

Borrowing cars

Tearing out molding, stinking, carpet

Missing friends from England

Eating yummy corn chowder

And falling asleep like a rock.

That's it. Today is day two. Hoping for even more fun, more snow, and less house disasters.

Looking forward...

Pick up Phizzer Whiz.
Buy a car
Move back in to our house
Recarpet
Find jobs
Get phones set up
Message everyone and start Skyping!

Teensie Weensie Update

Unless you have the unfortunate luck of being asked to help us with our move, you probably haven't heard from us for weeks or possibly months. I tell you, moving across the world is the absolute hardest thing ever! We have sold, given, threw away, mailed, and hauled 4 years worth of accumulated JUNK. 

So, here is where we are at now:

Chris is finishing up working at the legal and tax offices on the base. He has had a couple of interviews on the phone...getting a taste of what is out there. He was 100% in charge of the kids last week while I was away. He has remained generally calm while I run around like a loon. He sold my car and is working on his. He continues to make dinner each night, get the kids safely to school, and he spiffed up our rental enough to get our entire deposit back! 

I am finishing up work, seeing patients up until the last few days. I travelled 14 hours each way last week to help cover the clinic in the Azores.  I have packed, organized, and mailed over 45 boxes. I have tried to organize last visits with friends. I have tried to maintain some routine for the kids. I have looked into schools, planned for homeschooling, and accounted for every cent we have. I have been cancelling utilities, paying debts, gathering records, closing accounts, and packing and repacking.

Augi is trying to maintain absolute consistency and routine. She has tried to keep a smile on her face, but occasionally she just falls apart and reminds us that she is just 8, not 18. She tries to look at the bright side of all of it. She is staying for homework time every day this week, still studying her spelling words, studied and completed her first violin exam, and she is writing letters to her classmates to say goodbye. She helps focus Emmett in the mornings and she reminds us of anything we might forget.

Emmett has been the hardest to manage in many ways lately because it is the most unknown for him. He often refuses to go to school and can't wait for the move to be over. He is distractible and emotional. Although, over the last few weeks he has been much more independent. He tells me what he is excited about. He follows me around, chatting and playing. He keeps me smiling and reminds me what is really important in life.

Here is a fun little event that occurred today:

Emmett finishes school almost 2 hours before Augi. He has been begging to visit a cemetery that is near our first house in England. He and Chris would walk through the cemetery 4 times/day to take Augi to school and back. He wanted to visit it one more time to refresh his memory about it. 

Today we finally went. He ran around and looked at the tombstones. We made some videos and took some photos. Emmett pretended to run from and defeat zombies. I considered the appropriateness of taking my 5 year old to visit a cemetery to play zombie fighter. 

Anyway, it was time to leave and pick up Augi. 

We got to the gate. 

Locked.

Looked at the sign. 

Cemetery is locked at 4:30.

Looked at my watch.

4:50.

Shit.

A friendly passer-by stopped on the outside. He laughed and told me how he had to climb over the wall last week when he got locked in. He offered to help with Emmett if I could get myself over too. The wall was too tall for us to scale. OK unhelpful yet sympathetic stranger. 

We walked to the other side of the cemetery. Doors were still locked. Emmett was beginning to panic. I didn't share his concern about zombies and monsters, but I was concerned that we wouldn't be on time to get Augi and, after our videos and pictures, my phone battery was completely dead. 

I noticed a little boy and girl...7-9ish...just outside the front gate. I explained that we were locked in and asked if they had any idea of how to get out. 

They explained that at the other end of the cemetery there is another gate...and several feet away from the gate, somewhat hidden, is a small silver button. 

THE BUTTON OPENS THE GATE!

Thank you little children. We escaped. We made it on time to get Augi. 

We now have a fun story about our near-death experience being locked in the cemetery with the zombies. You heard it here first!

Fevers, coughs, and BRUISES!

This was the worst week ever, thanks to 

Mr. Influenza. 

Em woke up Monday with a fever. 7 days later, he still has a low-grade fever to go with his ear ache and hacking cough. I was hit like lightening Tuesday with the same fever and hacking cough and missed work most of the week. Phiz has been a nightmare because she hasn't been walked by us. I was useless so Christian was extra stressed with childcare and doggy duty. Augi has been in charge of just about everything...

That covers the coughs and fevers. Here is the story on the bruises.

Last Saturday Em was playing at his besty's house. He fell down her (awesome) treehouse staircase and had a VERY bruised bottom. He looked like he had been caned. Well, as I said, he woke Monday with a fever and stayed home from school for 3 days. We sent him back on Thursday, which happened to be swim day. In my flu fog, I forgot to mention the bruises to the school. They saw them during swim changing time. They wanted to have a "quick word" with me. It must've looked so suspicious, especially considering that Em is extremely modest about his body and will only hide his face if they ask what happened to his bottom. 

We don't spank our kids, let alone bruise their bottoms. I did take away video games for a day after Em called me "stupid" four times. He thought that was abusive. 

Hoping for a healthy, happy week ahead...

Being a foreigner.

We were recently having lunch at the house of some English friends. As we sat in their 400+ year old house, they asked about differences between English and Americans. The first thing that came to mind was that I can't imagine sitting in anything 400 years old in the U.S. 

I have written many of my experiences in my blog over the years but I thought it would be fun to come up with a nice summary of the things that have felt "foreign" to me.  This very well might be based on my own idiosyncrasies (which I have a lot of...) rather than my "American-ness". 

With that in mind, here are the things that have struck me as an expat in England:

Politeness. 

The politeness of the Brits is sometimes unbearable for me. They constantly wave for driving mistakes, stop to let other cars through traffic, and apologize when I bump into them. 

Fireworks night. AKA bonfire night. AKA Guy Fawkes night. 

There is a celebration on the 5th of November full of bonfires and fireworks. They are apparently celebrating a terrorist who tried to blow up parliament. I still can't figure out if they are celebrating his attempt to blow it up, or that he was caught before doing it. I have asked. Even the English haven't known. Any excuse for a firework!

Lightbulbs.

I have never seen so many different types of lightbulbs in my life. Why don't they all screw in?!

Selection.

Every child in the kids' classes will be wearing black Clarke's shoes. Not because that is the uniform, the uniform only requires black shoes. When I go to a store, the selection of anything is more limited than we have in the US. Except cheese.

Utensils.

The English teach children to eat with a fork and knife in nursery school. American mommies and daddies cut their children's food for them! How the utensils are used is different as well. My fork is for holding a piece of food while I cut it, then the food is stabbed with the fork and eaten. The English cut their food, then use the knife to sort of scoop the food on to the BACK of the fork and bring it to their mouth. 

Sink taps.

Even in brand new, modern houses they will have sinks with two taps: hot and cold. How do you make warm?! Is warm scary? I still haven't figured it out. I cup my hands and put cold water in, then splash a little of the boiling water from the other tap to try to make it warm.

Donuts at the beach. 

These donuts are really great. You can buy them in bags of 6 or more and eat the whole thing. However, the donuts are covered in sugar. There is sand all over the beach. The beach is windy. Therefore, the donuts are covered in sand. 

Mushrooms, tomatoes, and baked beans for breakfast. 

Baked beans? Seriously? Ew. Not for breakfast. 

Bank Holidays. 

Bank holidays are days when the banks are closed. I have asked, "oh, what holiday is it?" It's a bank holiday. "I know, but what are you celebrating?" Nothing. It is a bank holiday. In America we have a reason for our bank holidays. We celebrate independence, eat turkey, remember the veterans, celebrate the president, etc. There is a reason. 

Who knows, maybe the reasons were invented by advertisers to encourage us to buy "holiday" merchandise? I love my President's Day guest towels. 

That seems very American.

Body and space awareness.

I know this is even more so in other European countries, but the personal space of the English is WAY smaller than I am comfortable with. I do not want to feel someone's breath on my neck while standing in the checkout line. Back up. It goes for other things too. There can be a carpark full of empty stalls and the person parking after me will inevitably park RIGHT NEXT to my car. If we set up picnic on the beach (with our sandy donuts), a jolly family will come along and set up next to us. An entire beach empty and they sit next to us!

Customer service.

There is just a different sense of consumerism and pleasing the customer here. Do I need to remind anyone of the chicken incident at the zoo? They wouldn't let me order a bucket of chicken because then they wouldn't have enough to sell to the people behind me.

Dates, numbers and time.

The English use Day/Month/Year and the Americans use Month/Day/Year. So 2/10/2014 is October in the UK but February in the US! Tea time=dinner and dinner=lunch. "half-4" is 4:30. When reciting a phone number with two similar numbers, they say "double ___" whereas Americans would just say the number twice.  

24/7

When a store is open 24/7 in America, that means I can go to that store at 2 a.m. any night of the week. Not so here. The store is open some days for 24 hours and it is open every day for a while, but not every day is 24 hours. 

Keep calm and carry on.

I am certain this is found in rural areas much more so than in the cities. Everything just seems to go slower. When there is an accident on the highway, everything shuts down. People pull out a picnic. They keep calm and carry on while I freak out and yell.  

Birthday parties.

Birthday parties in general seem similar. Until the end. They sing happy birthday then cut the cake up, wrap each piece into a little party napkin, and send it home with the kids. It's super fun to peel the paper off the icing at home. Ug. How is this a good idea? 

Kissing.

In America if I see a friend I sometimes hug them. Never kiss! Even if it is a cheek, over the last four years, I have kissed too many to count. (back to the body space issue...)

Friendships.

I have described the English as polite but not particularly friendly. This is a complicated issue. I don't know if it is fear of foreigners, people have just known each other for years, or maybe I am not as likeable as I like to think. The other parents at the school can be very cliquey. There is so much kissing and close-talking going on that I assume they must all be very best friends. But then one will kiss my cheek, talk very close, and not ever invite me to their house. I thought we were besties for a minute there. *sniff*

Related to this is our neighbors' behavior. There is a little girl Emmett's age who lives across the road. I have never seen her playing outside. We are running around hollering and being generally disruptive in the front of the house. She has never come out to join.I mention her, but I never see any other children out playing in their front gardens...If this happened in the States I would assume the children are being abused or hidden for some sinister reason. 

**I do need to point out that we have made some amazing English friends who have been incredibly warm and kind. I think it just takes a bit longer than in the States.

Language.

It is going to be very very important for my kids to give up the word "rubber" to mean an eraser. 

I will be happy to once again refer to my pants without blushing.

Dogs and kids.

Dogs must be well behaved. If they aren't, the English are sure to let you know they disapprove. However, they don't seem the least bit concerned that their children are pushing past me and staring rudely. 

Medications.

When I tried to buy melatonin the pharmacist acted as if I was trying to buy heroin. However, he was more than happy to offer me codeine!!

Cheese.

I have never tasted so many wonderful cheeses in my life. Cheddar is not orange.

I hope this list wasn't too slanted in a negative way. 

I have loved living here and I will miss it all dearly. 

Artists

The kidlets spent a little time painting tonight!

Saturnalia 2013

I'm kidding. We don't really call it Saturnalia. We aren't that dorky (ok...maybe we are.) Saturnalia is a great Pagan Holiday, but we aren't Romans.
Anyway, this was likely our last Christmas in England. It was a nice, quiet day with lots of fun gifts. The kids (ahem...EMMETT!) was awake at 5, allowed to wake Augi at 530, and the gifts were unwrapped by 6. We had a great Christmas dinner with the Kookes (alias). I am so happy we have friends who are great cooks. We would never get a good meal if it weren't for them!

 Augi's wishes came true...Zoomer the robotic dog, a story making kit, Maom sweets, and lots of girly accessories. 

 Emmett was happy to get the Hot Wheels Race track...the classic from when I was a kid! He was also hoping for SnapCircuits...an electrical engineering kit. His squeal of excitement and the giant hug that followed opening snap circuits was priceless. I want to remember that moment forever.

 Em's spy disguise has reached a new level. Awesome. These were inspired by his cousin Dayton and he is pleased as punch to be like Dayton.

 I don't know why, but HotWheels brand cars actually work better than other brands on this track!

 The post snap circuits hug...

 I have been disappointed by robotic toys in the past, but this one really is cute. Augi was pleasantly surprised that she got her wish...

 Phiz wasn't left out...

We received a lot of wonderful gifts and cards in the mail from those of you across the ocean who couldn't spend the day with us. Thank you so much! You helped make our holiday even better.

Creepies

Emmett loves zombies, monsters , and general villians. However, a boy must have his limits. These toys have been deemed "creepy" and he has asked me to "delete" them.

Cocoa and scones

I took the day off to spend with the kids. They have an entire month off for Christmas.  It was pouring out so we ran to a little cafe we've never tried. The scones were "meh" but the cocoa was awesome. 

UK VISA

Latest visa photos...third in a year and probably the last for the UK. I am so done with this process.

Remember the Elves?!

We have these elves come stay with us  each year as part of the Elf Holiday Placement Program. Once they are finished with their important North Pole work they are sent to people homes to relax and have fun. (Benefits of the Elf Unionization Movement) They arrived last week and have been nothing but fun. They brought gifts, hung unders on the tree, tried driving the car, and now they have baked regular marshmallows into gingerbread shaped chocolate marshmallows!  We love our elves.